Vocation

 Growing up, I watched my mother serve the church in many capacities: as an elder, a Sunday school teacher, a bible study leader, and a volunteer at nearly every event that took place at the church. Her love for Jesus and passion for ministry in a volunteer role has amazed and inspired me throughout my life. She taught me how to serve the church and why it was important. She taught me that the church was a safe place of inclusion and belonging. She assured me that God accepted and loved everyone. When I was in the 6th grade, I began helping my mom with children’s church during worship every few weeks. With her help I led dances and songs and taught bible lessons to the children younger than I. I fell in love with church work quickly and wanted to immerse myself in it like my mother did. Church was my haven. I felt at home at church, and I was my best self when I was there. Even back in middle school, I wanted to share this love for the church and help other people feel at home there, too. 

Throughout my life, I often felt as though I was on the outside looking in. From my childhood into young adulthood, I struggled to find where I belonged. Church was my constant from a young age, the place where I was sure I would be included, encouraged, and loved. When we got a new associate pastor in my last year of middle school, I felt a shift in this atmosphere. On a car ride home from a youth retreat, I shared with her my feelings about being called to ministry. I wanted to be her right-hand gal. I wanted her to teach me all about what she did so that I could one day do it myself. I couldn’t really imagine spending the rest of my life doing anything else. Instead of the affirmation I had heard from so many others, I received a response I did not expect. She assured me that her job was not all fun and games and told me that she did not think I was cut out for ministry. I value the process of the community being in mutual discernment, so this was a particularly discouraging experience in my journey. In many ways, it felt as though I was on the outside yet again.

My first couple years of college were a very difficult time of discernment as well. My family was having trouble at home, and no one had been feeling much love or support from our church. Due to an upset parent of a child my mom taught, my mom was pushed out of children’s ministry. She started going to church less and less. I questioned everything I had been taught about inclusion and belonging in the church. I also felt out of place and unwanted in my sorority, which contained my only friends on campus. My world seemed to be turning upside down, and my haven, my church, no longer felt like home. I had gotten to know the two new associate pastors at another PC(USA) church in town in my last year of high school, as our youth groups got together on occasion. One of these pastors needed some help with the church’s Wednesday night program and asked if I would like to volunteer. I agreed, helping out for the rest of the school year. I felt welcome, encouraged, loved, and supported even in the little time I spent at this church.

The summer after my freshman year of college, I officially transferred to the church where I’d been volunteering. The community had already taken me in as one of their own, as if I had been there my whole life. Church felt like home once again. I had a new place where I truly belonged. The associate pastors there had become my mentors, teaching me everything I wanted to know about ministry and more. I learned and retained more about the bible and got new perspectives on stories I had heard my whole life. I fell in love with the traditions and worship of the church, finally understanding the components and discovering ways to make them my own. I came to understand God as my mother had taught me as a child: a compassionate creator who loves and accepts everyone. I dove deeper into the teachings of Jesus and identified deeply with his inclusivity. I felt awakened and wanted to expand my ministry purview. I began to volunteer with the youth group and joined the praise band. I helped with the organization and leadership of our college ministry. I began to do local mission projects with the church as well. After a year and a half, I became a ruling elder (leader on the governing board of the church). I also began the process of becoming an inquirer with the PC(USA) to help discern whether or not I was called to ordained ministry. 

All the while, I grew tremendously in my passion for God and the church. I also went through a lot of personal growth. I had ups and downs with my school, my mental and physical health, my relationships, and my family. In the summer between my junior and senior year of college, I worked as a youth ministry intern for a PC(USA) church near Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. My enthusiasm for ministry was both challenged and strengthened. I learned new ways of doing ministry and relating to people. I observed ways the church can be inclusive and how we can also fall short. I spent nearly every day doing the work of the church, both inside and outside the church building. I gained knowledge and experience while making connections with youth, parents, congregants, members of the community, mentors, and friends. 

For the next year, I continued volunteering in many different areas of church life. I remained in all the ministries with which I had volunteered before, but with a fresh perspective and new ideas. I was accepted to Columbia Theological Seminary to pursue a dual Masters of Divinity/Masters of Art in Practical Theology. I also graduated from the University of West Florida with a degree in Interdisciplinary Social Sciences with a specialization in Children and Society and a minor in Child Welfare.

 

I am continuing to grow in and explore my faith, my calling, and my relationship with God. I believe that my call is to help people feel welcome and loved by God and the church community, and to equip others to do the same in their everyday lives. I also believe that a very important part of this work is to be with people in both their celebrations and their struggles. I continue to feel called to work particularly with young people as I know the beauty and challenge of faith formation during the chaotic years of adolescence. I also feel called to work with churches to enhance their mission and outreach ministries by co-working with partners near and far. As I do my best to follow the Spirit's call, I remain grateful to be a part of God's work through the large umbrella that is Christ's "church."

Through my own experiences both in and before seminary, my view of church has evolved from merely my "happy place".  I see that church is often a hard place. It is sometimes judgmental and unfortunately exclusive. It has the potential to be uninviting. The church can sometimes get caught up in fear of change and the unknown. I see now what I didn’t in my childhood - that the church is as flawed as the humans who make it up. However, I also see the church as a community unlike any other I have found. As much as it can be a hard place, it can also be a safe place. I also see the strides churches have made to be more inclusive and intentionally open-minded. I see the potential that the church has to move past the fear. I have very consciously chosen to be a part of a church and a denomination that works towards building bridges, not walls. Even though we can’t always get it right, I see church as a never-ending work in progress, like me. I feel called to be a part of the progress of the church, working towards inclusion, justice, and peace. I know that I want to help people find a place to seek connection and belonging with one another and with Christ.